I am still blessed.

I was reading my secret blog earlier. And i became a little emotional :')

This same day last year, that is, 18 May 2012. I came off from shift, with no money at all. I honestly didn't know how I could get home. And I was crying. Because I knew my kids won't have milk for the next few days.

I called my mom, told her not to worry, and i'll be home real soon, with at least a packet of milk. But the truth is, I still don't know what to do.

I was at the city terminal, waiting for him, praying hard that he'd be able to at least give me something so I could buy milk for our kids. It was their payday 3days ago, and he promised me he's going to give his share. As expected, he didn't show up.

I had to wait for festi to open so i could encash one hundred twelve pesos from my gcash acct. Grabe, i can't imagine that. It makes me cry again when I remember how it felt then.

I phoned mom again, telling her again, not to worry, i'll be home shortly.

The dispatcher from the station was observing me. Worried si manong bakit hindi pa ako sumasakay. A couple of shuttles have already left, and I'm still there. Nakakahiya man, but I told him the truth-- i had to wait for festi to open to get my 112. The driver heard that. He offered to save a seat for me, at no cost. Ayan... May libreng ride na ako. But i still don't have the money to buy milk.

Then I got a message from somebody who wanted to buy a few of my kids' outgrown stuff from my online garage sale at Frugal Finds. She bought 5 onesies. Which earned me 200pesos She sent me the money, and I was able to withdraw that from the atm at my drop off in dasma. I was praying sobra, thanking Him for that sale.

Ayan, i was able to buy a big packet of Alaska full cream powdered milk, which my 3 kids would have to share for the upcoming days. I was happy because I was able to buy milk, and sad at the same time. Anika's only 2mos old, and she has to go away with that milk. They had to share this milk since their mommy had no money to buy milk that's appropriate for their ages. Ayan, naiiyak na naman ako.. :') That milk costs 186 pesos then. I have 14 pesos left. I was weighing if i would use that to buy some gulay for our lunch or use that to get myself home with a jeepney ride. Well, binili ko na lang yung puso ng saging which was sold for 18pesos. Na tinawaran ko ng 14pesos. And then I walked my way from kadiwa going home. Ilang kilometers kaya yun? Grabe, awang awa ako sa sarili ko. It was just 2months since i gave birth to anika, but i'm forced to do that.

When I got home, i was teary eyed. Di ko ma-explain kung lungkot o saya ba ung nararamdaman ko non. Inabot ko k mommy yung milk and she was probably wondering why I looked that way.

As i was reading my blog, grabe na lang tulo ng luha ko. Laking thankful ko sa mga taong sinesend ni Lord when I have nothing.

Hindi nya talaga ako pinabayaan. Never nya akong pinabayaan..

Pimp and Prettify Discovery ♥ 1

My Pretty Good Finds for a No-Make Up Look:



OLAY Total Effects for my step1



Smooth Minerals Foundation in light ochre

REVLON Photoready 3D Volume Mascara in blackened brown

MAYBELLINE Shinesational Delicious Lipgloss

 

VICTORIA'S SECRET Luminous Cheek Highlighter



So ready to pimp and prettify this year!



Xoxo,

Lalai

And His Name is Luke.

Dear Online Diary,

Should I believe in the power of dreams? There are times when I feel like a dream was real. At some point, I was thinking that this could be possible. That these things I am seeing, are premonitions of my inherited mind.

Yea. I must be insane.

I am sure though, that all my sanity's intact.

But there are dreams so lucid. That makes me feel like that that was reality.

Over the past weeks, I am seeing this man in my dreams. He felt so real.

We were super friends in my dreams. It felt like he came in perfect timing. Gahd! I wish he's real. I need him now. I need a friend like him. Or maybe a brother. With all these things I'm going through, I need that comfort he gives me in my dreams. Basta, I just feel like that man's going to be part of my life.

Si God na ba itey? lol

I am very certain that that setting isn't in Manila. Probably it's in the South.  Cagayan or Davao or Cebu maybe. (Somewhere malinis. lol) Or maybe even outside Pinas. (As if I have plans of travelling outside the country! Duh!).

And I cannot see his face. My dreams were all full of emotions. You know how magulo some dreams are. Scenes shift from one setting to another. I find them difficult to describe.

I am not expecting him to be a lover. Maybe a friend, a very very good friend. Sige na nga. Pwede na ding lover. lol

Ang hirap naman kase I-explain. He makes me feel very loved and wanted but there are scenes in my dreams where it shows me his family. A wife and a kid.

(Kaloka. Ayoko naman maging third party, anebeh! I will never be a kabit. I have been a victim of this and I wouldn't want another woman, another family to go through the same hell I've gone through. )

I was on my way to work last night, and the thoughts about these dreams keep bugging me. And a name popped up. His name is Luke.

I know now. His name is Luke!

Luke, I have a lot to thank you for. Thank you for coming into my life, unexpectedly, but just in time. Thank you for helping me move on.

I will never have the chance to tell you these things. But I sincerely hope you'll feel my gratefulness for these random things I can mention--

>>> for listening when I try to work out details.

I appreciate it when you take time to listen and pay attention, while letting me speak.

>>> for almost always handing me a napkin when I cry. :D

>>> for not judging me for my weaknesses.

>>> for helping me understand life, and love.

>>> for giving me the room where I can be just me.

If you only knew... I get giddy giggles when you tell me I'm hot despite this chest and flabby arms. lol

Thank you

>>> for making me feel beautiful even when i'm in a skimpy pair of old jeans and sneakers.

>>> for always wishing me a good day.

I appreciate it when you ask how my kids are doing.

Thank you

>>> for the meaningful conversations.

>>> for your company, when I shirk from the bitterness of the real world.

>>> for sharing me things I never have experienced in my life.

>>> for the secret solitude.

>>> for finding time to meet me even on gloomy days or nights.

Thank you for reminding me my worth.

Thank you for believing that I am strong.

Years from now, I believe I'll come across this post again. That's why I wrote this online.

If I ever get a chance to meet you, Luke. I want to give you my tightest hug. Thank you for easing my pain. I don't know you yet. But maybe someday we'll meet.

Maybe someday. :)