And His Name is Luke.

Dear Online Diary,

Should I believe in the power of dreams? There are times when I feel like a dream was real. At some point, I was thinking that this could be possible. That these things I am seeing, are premonitions of my inherited mind.

Yea. I must be insane.

I am sure though, that all my sanity's intact.

But there are dreams so lucid. That makes me feel like that that was reality.

Over the past weeks, I am seeing this man in my dreams. He felt so real.

We were super friends in my dreams. It felt like he came in perfect timing. Gahd! I wish he's real. I need him now. I need a friend like him. Or maybe a brother. With all these things I'm going through, I need that comfort he gives me in my dreams. Basta, I just feel like that man's going to be part of my life.

Si God na ba itey? lol

I am very certain that that setting isn't in Manila. Probably it's in the South.  Cagayan or Davao or Cebu maybe. (Somewhere malinis. lol) Or maybe even outside Pinas. (As if I have plans of travelling outside the country! Duh!).

And I cannot see his face. My dreams were all full of emotions. You know how magulo some dreams are. Scenes shift from one setting to another. I find them difficult to describe.

I am not expecting him to be a lover. Maybe a friend, a very very good friend. Sige na nga. Pwede na ding lover. lol

Ang hirap naman kase I-explain. He makes me feel very loved and wanted but there are scenes in my dreams where it shows me his family. A wife and a kid.

(Kaloka. Ayoko naman maging third party, anebeh! I will never be a kabit. I have been a victim of this and I wouldn't want another woman, another family to go through the same hell I've gone through. )

I was on my way to work last night, and the thoughts about these dreams keep bugging me. And a name popped up. His name is Luke.

I know now. His name is Luke!

Luke, I have a lot to thank you for. Thank you for coming into my life, unexpectedly, but just in time. Thank you for helping me move on.

I will never have the chance to tell you these things. But I sincerely hope you'll feel my gratefulness for these random things I can mention--

>>> for listening when I try to work out details.

I appreciate it when you take time to listen and pay attention, while letting me speak.

>>> for almost always handing me a napkin when I cry. :D

>>> for not judging me for my weaknesses.

>>> for helping me understand life, and love.

>>> for giving me the room where I can be just me.

If you only knew... I get giddy giggles when you tell me I'm hot despite this chest and flabby arms. lol

Thank you

>>> for making me feel beautiful even when i'm in a skimpy pair of old jeans and sneakers.

>>> for always wishing me a good day.

I appreciate it when you ask how my kids are doing.

Thank you

>>> for the meaningful conversations.

>>> for your company, when I shirk from the bitterness of the real world.

>>> for sharing me things I never have experienced in my life.

>>> for the secret solitude.

>>> for finding time to meet me even on gloomy days or nights.

Thank you for reminding me my worth.

Thank you for believing that I am strong.

Years from now, I believe I'll come across this post again. That's why I wrote this online.

If I ever get a chance to meet you, Luke. I want to give you my tightest hug. Thank you for easing my pain. I don't know you yet. But maybe someday we'll meet.

Maybe someday. :)

Unappreciated and Unloved

Last Wednesday, I celebrated my 20th(lol! who am i kidding?!☺) birthday. My boss treated me and my bff Ginny to Northpark ATC. We got a big dish of birthday noodles, dumplings, some shrimps and brocolli. Thanks boss, for that fantabulous lunch!


Ginny made a greeting badoodle for me (which I have previously mentioned in my earlier entry). I super appraciate having good friends around.

Buti na lang I have good friends. They make me feel special and appreciated. Because... I can never expect my husband to be that way. As in never. He has never made me feel special. Never made me feel appreciated. Never made me feel loved. I just sometimes wish I don't exist. Or was it, I just sometimes wish HE did not exist? lol. I am still thankful we crossed each other's paths. Without him, I would not have had my two wonderful kids.

I don't know. Was he really born like that? I always ask myself about this. I always ask him, too. He would always tell me he's doing his best to make me feel I am loved and that he is not born cheezy and sweet so I really cannot expect my ideals from him.

Wtf! Why can't I feel a thing?

Honestly, I always magnified the smallest things he does just to make me feel like he really cares for me, and that he really loves me. Another wtf! Who am I kidding now?

Until now, I can't convince myself to believe him. I am the BIG LOSER here. Let's just laugh about that. I'll start appreciating the most wonderful thins in life...

Like these two little brats:

The ate picked a yellow bell bloom from our backyard, handed it to the little boy, then took a frosted cupcake and put a candle on top of it, then had her lola lit the candle. The kids greeted me a happy birthday as I open the gate when I came home from work last Thursday. Allison with the messy cupcake with a lighted candle on top, and Allson with an almost crushed yellow flower in his right hand. These kids were excited for their little surprise for mommy.

I realized then... I don't care about how unimportant I am to you. What matters here now is that, my kids love me and they will always make me feel loved, valued and appreciated. Behlat to you!

I Love Him More Each Day

I just think that that title is an understatement. 

Drich and I have been together for quite a while and are happy with our married life. We're blessed with two wonderful kids, Allison and Allson.  And there's nothing more I want. (Thank You, Papa God!)

On my way to work last night, I just thought of sharing this feeling.  I know Drich is not into reading blogs, etc. So it is safe for me to share this with you, sisses.

I just want the whole world to know that I love my husband so much!!! (Eeeeww... So in love? That's cheesy!)

Who would have thought that I will be marrying this boy (and I really mean, a boy) I met in a truck back in June 1999 on a drizzling afternoon?  That was the same boy I saw on the stage ramp modelling an all-white golfing outfit. Sabi ko pa sa katabi ko non while I was watching that fashion show, "cute yang batang yan, ano?". LOL And the same boy I always meet everywhere Ate Let and I would go during YFC conferences.

All the universe has conspired to bring us together and there was not doubt about that. I am just thankful. Very, very thankful. :)

We may not have the perfect life that our folks imagined us to have. But we are happy, and I just think that that's all that matters.  We have bouts and a lot of booboos almost always, but we make up for them.  We are not perfect, but we always know where to stand.  And that's what makes me even happier.

I just love you, Drich. I know you know and I want the whole world to know about that.