Picnic at the Park

There's nothing more enjoyable than spending a bright sunny afternoon with your loved ones. Who cares if mommy didn't have the budget to splurge for a day out. A visit to tita ginny's will do the trick!

It was an afternoon well spent with my kids, and my bff's family. :) Thanks again tita ginny, for a heft merienda and a fantabulous trip picnic at the park.




Xoxo,


Lorie

A Shaky Marriage-- An entry from one of my secret blogs:

Happy 79th Birthday to the Pinakamakisig na Daddy in the Whole wide World!!!

Happy birthday, Dad.


Miss you.


Xoxo,

Lorie

As the Woman of the Family

This was the exact scenario when it happened..

I was 4 months pregnant with Anika, Allison was 4, Allson was 1.

I had the option to leave him before this. Because he has already made the circumstances in my life so painful to bear. But I didn't do that. Because I want this family to be intact. Despite everything.

There were times while he was crying in front of me, begging for forgiveness, I thought of how to tell him that I don't love him anymore, that I want to leave him then but I didn't want him hurt. I didn't tell him anything because the last thing I would want to do would be to hurt somebody.

At the time when the only issue was his inferiority complex, his uselessness, inutility and violence, I was still able to bear everything. As the woman of the family, I had to bear those to keep us intact. I made a promise to myself that I will never give up. But the mistress issue would be a different story. That's something unforgiveable.

I thought life was about to end and I mourned for quite a while.

But look at me now... I am so alive and have moved on this far! Life was a lot better since he left!

Life was less complicated. Life was more abundant.

When I live each day, I had to make twice the effort. I always had to make sure that I put the kids on top of everything. I had to make sure I meet what they need, and what they deserve. It's not easy being a single mom. The difficulty's aggravated by a thought saying "ey, i shouldnt be doing this alone ah" o kaya "i'm so stressed with making the ends meet, while you a**holes are enjoying?". Pero tama na kakaisip jan.

All the effort, all the hirap is reciprocated naman, in all fairness-- I always get twice the love and twice the blessings. All these started happening. Since the person left.

I am still blessed.

I was reading my secret blog earlier. And i became a little emotional :')

This same day last year, that is, 18 May 2012. I came off from shift, with no money at all. I honestly didn't know how I could get home. And I was crying. Because I knew my kids won't have milk for the next few days.

I called my mom, told her not to worry, and i'll be home real soon, with at least a packet of milk. But the truth is, I still don't know what to do.

I was at the city terminal, waiting for him, praying hard that he'd be able to at least give me something so I could buy milk for our kids. It was their payday 3days ago, and he promised me he's going to give his share. As expected, he didn't show up.

I had to wait for festi to open so i could encash one hundred twelve pesos from my gcash acct. Grabe, i can't imagine that. It makes me cry again when I remember how it felt then.

I phoned mom again, telling her again, not to worry, i'll be home shortly.

The dispatcher from the station was observing me. Worried si manong bakit hindi pa ako sumasakay. A couple of shuttles have already left, and I'm still there. Nakakahiya man, but I told him the truth-- i had to wait for festi to open to get my 112. The driver heard that. He offered to save a seat for me, at no cost. Ayan... May libreng ride na ako. But i still don't have the money to buy milk.

Then I got a message from somebody who wanted to buy a few of my kids' outgrown stuff from my online garage sale at Frugal Finds. She bought 5 onesies. Which earned me 200pesos She sent me the money, and I was able to withdraw that from the atm at my drop off in dasma. I was praying sobra, thanking Him for that sale.

Ayan, i was able to buy a big packet of Alaska full cream powdered milk, which my 3 kids would have to share for the upcoming days. I was happy because I was able to buy milk, and sad at the same time. Anika's only 2mos old, and she has to go away with that milk. They had to share this milk since their mommy had no money to buy milk that's appropriate for their ages. Ayan, naiiyak na naman ako.. :') That milk costs 186 pesos then. I have 14 pesos left. I was weighing if i would use that to buy some gulay for our lunch or use that to get myself home with a jeepney ride. Well, binili ko na lang yung puso ng saging which was sold for 18pesos. Na tinawaran ko ng 14pesos. And then I walked my way from kadiwa going home. Ilang kilometers kaya yun? Grabe, awang awa ako sa sarili ko. It was just 2months since i gave birth to anika, but i'm forced to do that.

When I got home, i was teary eyed. Di ko ma-explain kung lungkot o saya ba ung nararamdaman ko non. Inabot ko k mommy yung milk and she was probably wondering why I looked that way.

As i was reading my blog, grabe na lang tulo ng luha ko. Laking thankful ko sa mga taong sinesend ni Lord when I have nothing.

Hindi nya talaga ako pinabayaan. Never nya akong pinabayaan..