Dear Online Diary,
Should I believe in the power of dreams? There are times when I feel like a dream was real. At some point, I was thinking that this could be possible. That these things I am seeing, are premonitions of my inherited mind.
Yea. I must be insane.
I am sure though, that all my sanity's intact.
But there are dreams so lucid. That makes me feel like that that was reality.
Over the past weeks, I am seeing this man in my dreams. He felt so real.
We were super friends in my dreams. It felt like he came in perfect timing. Gahd! I wish he's real. I need him now. I need a friend like him. Or maybe a brother. With all these things I'm going through, I need that comfort he gives me in my dreams. Basta, I just feel like that man's going to be part of my life.
Si God na ba itey? lol
I am very certain that that setting isn't in Manila. Probably it's in the South. Cagayan or Davao or Cebu maybe. (Somewhere malinis. lol) Or maybe even outside Pinas. (As if I have plans of travelling outside the country! Duh!).
And I cannot see his face. My dreams were all full of emotions. You know how magulo some dreams are. Scenes shift from one setting to another. I find them difficult to describe.
I am not expecting him to be a lover. Maybe a friend, a very very good friend. Sige na nga. Pwede na ding lover. lol
Ang hirap naman kase I-explain. He makes me feel very loved and wanted but there are scenes in my dreams where it shows me his family. A wife and a kid.
(Kaloka. Ayoko naman maging third party, anebeh! I will never be a kabit. I have been a victim of this and I wouldn't want another woman, another family to go through the same hell I've gone through. )
I was on my way to work last night, and the thoughts about these dreams keep bugging me. And a name popped up. His name is Luke.
I know now. His name is Luke!
Luke, I have a lot to thank you for. Thank you for coming into my life, unexpectedly, but just in time. Thank you for helping me move on.
I will never have the chance to tell you these things. But I sincerely hope you'll feel my gratefulness for these random things I can mention--
>>> for listening when I try to work out details.
I appreciate it when you take time to listen and pay attention, while letting me speak.
>>> for almost always handing me a napkin when I cry. :D
>>> for not judging me for my weaknesses.
>>> for helping me understand life, and love.
>>> for giving me the room where I can be just me.
If you only knew... I get giddy giggles when you tell me I'm hot despite this chest and flabby arms. lol
Thank you
>>> for making me feel beautiful even when i'm in a skimpy pair of old jeans and sneakers.
>>> for always wishing me a good day.
I appreciate it when you ask how my kids are doing.
Thank you
>>> for the meaningful conversations.
>>> for your company, when I shirk from the bitterness of the real world.
>>> for sharing me things I never have experienced in my life.
>>> for the secret solitude.
>>> for finding time to meet me even on gloomy days or nights.
Thank you for reminding me my worth.
Thank you for believing that I am strong.
Years from now, I believe I'll come across this post again. That's why I wrote this online.
If I ever get a chance to meet you, Luke. I want to give you my tightest hug. Thank you for easing my pain. I don't know you yet. But maybe someday we'll meet.
Maybe someday. :)
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