Red Wine for Wednesday!

Who's bringing home a bottle of wine this wed?

This was the original text:

When I lost my marriage last year, I thought it would be the end of the world and I wasted so much energy on mourning.

This year, I was in search of happiness in the form of a person who'd be dedicated to me, someone who'd be romantic and would make me feel special and beautiful. I wanted to be put upon a pedestal and be worshipped as the goddess I pretend to be. I wanted to know what it was like to be cherished, and experience things I've never had in my life.

Then I found a person who cared about me. And I knew him for more than a decade! When I am with this person, I'm at the top of the ferris wheel-- high above the chaos of life! We hide out in a secret solitude which insulates us, momentarily, from the real world and all its troubles. For the first time in my life, I found someone who wouldn't judge me for my weaknesses, someone who listens as I work out details, asks me questions to help flesh out plans, and helps me understand life, and love.  I was given the room where I can be just me. I felt something strong and deep, and my life was filled with joy, beyond anything I can write.

It dawned upon me... Isn't that the dynamics of what marriage was supposed to be? Why have I found this just now, in a place and situation where we both can't move forward?

Giddy giggles and twittering butterflies made me feel alive. I knew I was happy, but I feel the need to poison the situation, because I am aware that it isn't right. I was happy, but I am hurting somebody. If I am gaining this bliss to the expense of others, then it's wrong.

I knew I became a better person for opening my heart and life to another. For a very short time, I have probably escaped from the reality of my lost marriage. But I had to leave now. And I did. I have a relationship to fix now. I'll be even better if I choose to decide to be happy regardless of whatever life has for me, with or without a person that could fulfill my idea of such happiness. I shouldn't be pinning this to someone else and I shouldn't be compromising somebody else's happiness for mine.

I am making the right decision this time. So this Christmas, all I wish for is a Happy Heart-- for me and for the people around me. Now I've decided to be happy, and I will be.

Can you still spare me this wish, Santa? I was probably naughty, but I am striving to be nice.

Well, congrats dearie!

Xoxo,